The World Spins Madly On
by Wamzwrites
Summary: This is a DM fanfic. Meredith has just seen a bomb explode in front of her face. This story follows what happens after the night Derek comes to her house. Now complete and chapter 10 of the sequel, Come Away With Me, is up!
1. Chapter 1: Heal Over

_**The World Spins Madly On**_

**A.N**: This fanfic takes place right after "As We Know It," so Mark never came into the picture and so forth.

Also, I know that Dr. Bailey is on maternity leave, etc. but for the purpose of my story... she was never pregnant. Also, while I do say that all characters are involved, the are merely there because the story would be weird without them there. So, the story mainly focuses on Derek and Meredith.

And, while this chapter I would say is for older children I am still marking the whole story as Teen. Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy.

_**Chapter 1: Heal Over**_

Since when did life get so serious? It seems like it was just yesterday that I was this little girl running around in the backyard, unconcerned about surgeries, boys, and the future. Now, that innocence of childhood has turned into responsibilities and work. There is no more time to play, and life has suddenly become serious. It's like I'm a fish caught in a tank. Swimming and swimming, struggling to get somewhere, anywhere, without realizing that I can't get there. I'm held in that one place... boundaries on every side of me, and I can't get out.

A few days ago, I had a feeling...a feeling that something would go terribly wrong. But instead of following my gut, I went to work... and ended up watching a bomb explode. Not exactly the kind of day you'd have when you were a kid. Funny how that changes... funny how when you're a kid the worst thing you think can happen is that one of your friends stops talking to you.

Today is my first day back at work since that bomb went off in my face. I would've come back the day after, but they gave me two days mandatory recovery time, which was more than likely to ensure that I didn't freak out on some patient.

I thought I'd be okay with coming back to the hospital, but as it turns out... I'm not. Mainly because I'm scared of seeing him because the last time I saw him was the night of the explosion, and that night it was like Addison didn't exist. Today, she would become real again.

"Meredith?" George asked.

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." I slammed the door to my locker, and nodded my head at him, trying to reassure him and myself that today was going to be alright... that it couldn't get any worse, but the truth was I didn't believe it. These days I tend to be operating in a glass half empty kind of way.

Everyone began to shuffle out, but I couldn't move. I knew the second that I walked outside the chance of me seeing him increased to about 95-percent.

"Let's go, Dr. Grey." Bailey shouted into the locker room.

Cristina was waiting for me by the door, giving me a knowing look. She knew that my hesitation wasn't because I didn't want to work; it was because I didn't want to be confronted with the one thing that still haunts my every thought. McDreamy.

Bailey began to give orders to everyone, and everyone filed out. It wasn't until everyone was gone that I realized I was the lone intern standing with Bailey, and I hadn't heard a single word she'd said to anyone else.

"Dr. Grey, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." I lied through my teeth, and I knew sure she'd figure it out... just like the time she asked what Cristina and Izzie were doing and I couldn't even manage to formulate a lie that would keep her out of that autopsy room for ten minutes.

"You're a horrible liar, Grey." I tried to smile in response, but it was no use. "Alright well, there are patients in rooms 203, 415, 422, and 516 that could use a doctor."

I nodded at her and then turned to head towards the elevator. The elevator that only a few months ago I made out with him in. His lips felt so perfect pressed against mine, and his hands... they knew exactly where to go. When I kissed him, it felt like something that I'd been doing all my life; it felt like there could be no one else for me.

The elevator doors opened, and I stepped in without even bothering to look up and greet the faces of the people that were already standing inside. One by one they shuffled out onto their respective floors, and I remained standing in the back, head down. It wasn't until I saw his feet that I realized there was someone else in the elevator.

"Meredith, how are you?" He said in that low voice that made me want to rip off his clothes right then and there.

"I'm fine, Dr. Shepherd." I tried to avert my eyes. I didn't want him to know the truth.

"Meredith..."

"No, it's okay. I'm okay."

"You've been through a lot, it would be normal to feel different..."

"I haven't felt the same for quite some time now," I whispered, "see you around, Dr. Shepherd."

I walked off the elevator without looking back. I didn't want to see his face, the pained expression that he still carried from choosing her, and so I kept walking, hoping that this would all go away soon.


	2. Chapter 2: Not Going Anywhere

_**The World Spins Madly On**_

**A.N**: This fanfic takes place right after "As We Know It," so Mark never came into the picture and so forth.

Also, I know that Dr. Bailey is on maternity leave, etc. but for the purpose of my story... she was never pregnant. Also, while I do say that all characters are involved, the are merely there because the story would be weird without them there. So, the story mainly focuses on Derek and Meredith.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy.

_**Chapter 2: Not Going Anywhere**_

It was almost time for me to go home. This day from hell was almost over with, and soon I could go home to nothing, to no one. Not even Doc...he was gone. She had my dog...she had everything that I wanted. One second I had everything that I wanted, and then one moment it all changed.

As the day went on, I saw him in the hallway a few more times, but for the most part I've been careful. Cautiously rounding corners, and avoiding the elevator after this morning. It wasn't like me to be so hesitant, to be so...scared, but I can't shake this feeling. Sometimes I've found myself wishing that the night in the bar had never happened; that I had never met him before my first day at the hospital. But then, there were times when I realized just how happy he had made me in those seemingly few days that we were together.

I walked down the hallway and looked around to see if he was anywhere near me, and when I couldn't see him I jumped into the open elevator. I leaned my back up against the wall and waited for the elevator to descend down. I wanted to get the hell out of here, but just as the doors started to close, a hand shot through and the censor made the doors open. I looked up only to be greeted by the face that I'd been trying to avoid all day.

"I saw you." He whispered as he glared into my eyes.

"Saw me what?"

"I saw you...looking around." He said as he settled back against the elevator wall next to me.

"So?"

"So, you're avoiding me."

"No, I'm not."

"Meredith..."

"Dr. Shepherd, I am just trying to get home."

"What's wrong?" He asked me as the elevator doors opened and I knew that this was my chance to get out.

I looked at him and smiled, "Nothing, I'm fine."

I was almost out of the elevator when I felt his hand grab my arm and pull me back towards him, "Meredith."

"Derek, I can't." I felt my eyes begin to well up with tears, so I turned my head to look the other way. The elevator began to descend again, and I knew I'd only have to endure a few more seconds of this before the doors opened again.

"Look at me."

"I can't."

"Why?" He asked as he reached forward to press the emergency stop button on the elevator wall, and when he did, I felt my security drain out from under me.

"Because it's too much after what happened."

"Why?"

"I just... I can't."

"I don't understand, Meredith." He looked at me with such sadness in his eyes, and all I could do was shake my head, "tell me what's wrong."

I took a deep breath as a lone tear streamed down my face, "Look, a scary thing happened to me a few days ago, and you want to know the only thing I could think about in that moment?" I paused and looked up into his eyes to see sympathy, and I wanted to hate him even more in that moment. "All I could think about was how if I died, I'd never see you again, which is sad because you're not even mine. You didn't choose me, and you know... I thought I was fine, but as it turns out I don't think I'm handling this so well."

"Meredith - " "No. Don't say anything because if you say something it just makes what I said more real. But now you know... you know why I'm hiding. So please... just leave me alone." I interrupted him and reached forward to release the emergency stop button, and as we started to descend again, he grabbed my hand.

"Listen to me. Just because I chose her doesn't mean that I don't still care for you..."

"You chose her, so you shouldn't care for me anymore. I'll be fine."

"Meredith, you've got to listen to me."

"No, Derek, I don't. Not right now, and not in this elevator." I said as the elevator started to slow down, "you know, when I was in that OR, right before I took the bazooka out of that man's chest, I imagined you telling me what to do because through all of this I still trust you, and that's what kills me the most...that I can't hate you."

The elevator doors opened, and before he had a chance to respond I pulled my hand out of his and walked out of the elevator. Tears began to crash down onto my cheeks, and I struggled to regain my control as I walked towards the stairs to make my way back up to the locker room. My only hope as I climbed those stairs was that I didn't run into anyone.


	3. Chapter 3: Under the Weather

**A.N**: First, I just wanted to thank those who did review the first two chapters of the story. Please, do review this so I know if I should continue to write or just stop.

I'm just gonna keep my notes and the disclaimer on every chapter... just to be safe. So, this fanfic takes place right after "As We Know It," so Mark never came into the picture and so forth.

Also, I know that Dr. Bailey is on maternity leave, etc. but for the purpose of my story... she was never pregnant.

Also, while I do say that all characters are involved, the are merely there because the story would be weird without them there. So, the story mainly focuses on Derek and Meredith.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy.

_**Chapter 3: Under the Weather**_

I managed to escape the hospital without running into anyone. George and Izzie were probably wondering where I was, but I just couldn't wait around for them. I had to get out of the hospital before my world collided with Derek's again. Now, as I laid in my bed with the lights off and my door closed, staring at the ceiling, I couldn't help but wonder what he was doing. Were he and Addison laughing? Did she even make him smile? I sighed, realizing that over a month had passed since he chose her, and here I was still agonizing over him.

The front door slammed downstairs, and I could hear George and Izzie whispering. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I knew that they were talking about me. Their steps pounded loudly on the stairs, and I waited for the inevitable knock on the door.

"Meredith?" Izzie knocked on the door.

"I'm okay."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Izzie opened the door and laid down next to me in my bed, "He's a jerk."

"How'd you know this was about him?"

"I can tell." She smiled at me, "I have people skills, remember?"

"Oh, that's right." I laughed. It felt good to laugh. I hadn't laughed in a long time.

"Mer, I am saying this as your friend," she took a deep breath before she finished her sentence, and I knew what was coming, "you've got to get over him. It's tearing you apart."

"Izzie, I know, but I just can't." When the words came out of my mouth they sounded harsher than I intended. I winced at the sound of my own voice because I didn't like who I was becoming. I was becoming that bitter girl, scorned by her ex-lover.

"Meredith, it's time... time to let go. If he was going to leave her, he would have already."

"I know. I just... why can't I hate him?" I slammed the bed with my fist, frustrated at my own inability to just say goodbye.

"Because... because he's McDreamy," she laughed, "because he was the one that got hurt and ran away...and you know he did the right thing with Addison."

"Yeah," I mumbled, "it just sucks."

Izzie opened her mouth to respond when another knock resounded on the wood of the door, "Uh, guys?"

"Yeah, George." Izzie and I said at the same time.

"Um, someone's at the door... again... for you Meredith." George said, and I could hear the sound of resentment in his voice. I hadn't even heard the doorbell ring.

"Tell him to go away, George." I said firmly, "tell him... I'm too busy trying to hate him."

"Okay." George mumbled as he walked away.

Even though it wasn't funny, Izzie and I started to laugh, and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. I didn't know exactly why I was crying, but the tears just started and then wouldn't stop. Izzie didn't know what to do, and I don't blame her, I had never broken down in front of her before. Downstairs, I could hear Derek fighting with George on whether or not he could come in.

Izzie got out of bed and started to make her way out of the room, "I'll go help George."

Through the closed door, Izzie's footsteps were hard on the stairs, and I heard her start telling Derek that I needed to be alone; that he couldn't do anything for me. Their voices started to get louder, and I put a pillow over my head to try and drown out the sound. It wasn't until I heard the door creek open that I realized someone was in my room with me. The sounds of fighting had stopped, and I knew who was standing in the doorway.

"You can't ignore me, it doesn't work like that." His voice was full of sadness, and I couldn't bring myself to take the pillow off my head.

I heard Izzie and George hurry up the stairs after him, "We're sorry, Meredith... we tried."

"It's okay, guys." my voice was muffled by the pillow, "I'll be fine."

I heard their footsteps make their way to their own rooms; they knew that Derek and I needed our privacy, that we needed to work this out for ourselves. "Can't you just respect the fact that I don't want to talk to you right now?"

"No." He said smugly as he walked over towards my bed to sit down on the side next to my head.

"Why?"

"Because Meredith, you don't seem to understand that I am still in love with you." He took the pillow off of my head as he said this, and I knew he could see the stains of tears on my cheeks.

"You can't be. I have to start hating you."

He laughed, "Why is that?"

"So I can get over you."

"What if I don't want you to get over me?"

"That isn't your choice anymore. You made your choice." As I said this, I kept chanting to myself, stand your ground. I didn't want to back down.

"What if I regret my choice?" He asked and I felt my resolve begin to crumble.

"You can't. I can't go back."

"I don't want Addison." He whispered as he leaned forward. His lips were so close to mine that I closed my eyes.

"But you chose her."

"I love you." As he said those words that I'd been longing for him to say, he brought his lips down to mine. When our lips touched, I remembered every kiss we'd shared in this room; I remembered how soft his lips were, and just how good of a kisser he was. He leaned forward more, to deepen the kiss, and I struggled to maintain my control.

"Stop." I whispered into his mouth.

He didn't answer me, he just kept kissing me and I kept kissing him back. My head wanted him to stop, but my heart kept telling me to just go for it. I kept trying to reason with myself that he was the one who started it. It wasn't until he brought his hand up my side that I realized how wrong this was.

"Stop." I said again, and when he didn't I pulled away from him, and I used my hands to push him away from me. "You have to stop."

He looked like a hurt puppy when he opened his eyes to meet mine, and I just shook my head, "We can't do this."


	4. Chapter 4: Back In The Wild

**The World Spins Madly On**

**A.N**: Thanks for the reviews everyone. Please keep them coming so I know if I'm on the right track.

This fanfic takes place right after "As We Know It," so Mark never came into the picture and so forth.

Also, I know that Dr. Bailey is on maternity leave, etc. but for the purpose of my story... she was never pregnant. Also, while I do say that all characters are involved, the are merely there because the story would be weird without them there. So, the story mainly focuses on Derek and Meredith.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy.

_**Chapter 4: Back In The Wild **_

Derek left shortly after I told him that we couldn't do this. At first, he didn't understand why I told him to stop, but after a few minutes had passed, he seemed to finally understand. He told me he was sorry and walked out of the room. His eyes looked sad, like he knew that he wasn't helping me get any better... like he knew he was being selfish by pulling me back and forth. I heard the front door close, and I expected to see George or Izzie's face in my doorway, asking if I was okay, but neither came to my door, and I fell asleep hoping that tomorrow I would wake up and this would all be a dream.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > >

George, Izzie, and I rode in one car this morning. It was a quiet ride, which was unusual for us. When we arrived at the hospital, I felt my sense of dread returning, especially after what happened last night. On the way in we met up with Cristina, who looked at George and Izzie, questioning the silence between us. Izzie shook her head at Cristina, signaling that she probably shouldn't say anything to me, but Cristina never listened to anyone.

"Meredith, for God's sake just get over it." Cristina said, startling everyone.

"Cristina, don't start." I remarked, giving her the look that had passed between us on several occasions.

We walked into the locker room and Izzie was the first to mention Derek coming over last night, "What happened last night?"

Cristina turned around from her locker as she took off her shirt to change into her scrubs. "Something happened last night?"

"Yeah, McDreamy came over," Izzie snorted. "George and I couldn't get him to just leave her alone."

"And?" I was going to tell Cristina alone later, before I told George and Izzie, because I knew that they would be disappointed in me. They would give me the look of - why can't you just get over him.

"Nothing, could we please just drop it."

"Oh, come on, Meredith. Spill." Cristina was being adamant, and I knew there was no diverting her attention from this one.

"He wanted to talk to me, that's it. End of story."

"Yeah if that was true, you wouldn't be looking like you just killed a patient or something." Cristina smirked, and she knew she had me in a trap.

"He kissed me." I mumbled as I closed my locker.

"He what?" Izzie and George shouted so loudly that it was possible the whole hospital heard them.

"I'm not repeating myself." I said as I looked around to see who else was in the locker room.

Izzie looked at me shocked, "How could you let him - "

" - Look, I didn't mean for it to happen. It just happened, and as soon as I realized what was happening, I stopped it. Okay?"

They all shook their heads, and we walked out of the locker room. Dr. Bailey was waiting for us outside, and I could tell that I was getting the lowest level of priority patients again today. She gave everyone their room numbers, and then she looked at me and gave me mine. Everyone ran in different directions, except for Cristina, she followed me to the stairs.

"Where are you going?" She asked me.

"I take the stairs now... more exercise." I lied.

"Ha, you're such a bad liar. You just don't want to run into him." She said as we started to walk up the stairs.

"Maybe."

"What the hell happened, Meredith?"

I stopped going up the stairs and turned to look at her, "He kissed me. I didn't ask him to, he just did. Really, I am trying to hate him, it's just not... going so well right now."

Cristina laughed, "No kidding."

"I don't know what to do." I said as we started to move up the stairs again.

"There's nothing you can do. You asked him to chose you, and he didn't. So, just let go." I nodded my head at her and we parted ways when we arrived at the third floor. It wasn't until later in the day that I saw Cristina again.

"How's it going?" I asked as we walked briskly down the hallway.

"I've had some interesting cases today. We'll see, still got a long way to go before this shift is over."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Cristina stopped dead in her tracks, "Jesus, Meredith stop sulking and act like the cut-throat surgeon that you are. So what about McDreamy, he isn't worth it."

"He is." I said sadly as I walked away towards my next patient's room.

"He is, what?" Derek asked, startling me.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Find me at unexpected moments."

"I'm tricky." He said with such a smile on his face that I wondered if he even remembered what had happened last night.

"Why are you so happy?"

"She signed the papers."

I stopped walking and turned to look him in the eyes, "She what?"

"She left. She told me she couldn't be with someone that wasn't in love with her, and apparently Mark is."

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. What did he want me to say? Did he want me to be happy? Did he want to scream out in joy?

"You're not happy." The air seemed to deflate right out of him.

"I didn't say that." I really just didn't know what to do.

"Then, what are you?" His tone was accusatory, and I didn't know what he wanted from me.

"I am happy for you."

"But not for both of us?"

"I need some time." I knew I was confusing him, but I didn't want to jump back into a relationship with him, especially with all the reasons out there not to.

"Why?"

"Because, you're an attending... because I just need some time. I mean, what if she comes back? Are you going to go running back to her again?" I knew that what I was asking was unfair - how could he know if she was going to come back, but I couldn't just let him off the hook; I was too scared.

"Okay." He said simply, and I knew that I had hurt him, "you know where to find me."

"Yeah." I smiled at him and continued to walk down the hallway towards my patient, but this time I looked back at him, and he smiled at me seemingly understanding my need for some time. And as I walked into my patient's room, I couldn't help but wonder if I had just made a big mistake.


	5. Chapter 5: Scratch

**The World Spins Madly On**

**A.N**: First of all, just want to thank everyone for the great reviews. I really appreciate it... so keep'em coming!

So the basics again, just in case: This fanfic takes place right after "As We Know It," so Mark never came into the picture and so forth.

Also, I know that Dr. Bailey is on maternity leave, etc. but for the purpose of my story... she was never pregnant.

Also, while I do say that all characters are involved, the are merely there because the story would be weird without them there. So, the story mainly focuses on Derek and Meredith.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy.

_**Chapter 5: Scratch**_

Two days had passed and I still hadn't talked to Derek. He avoided me, and I avoided him; it was like we were strangers. It was like everything between us had never happened. I couldn't even bring myself to look him in the eye.

Addison left yesterday. Before she left the hospital, she told Izzie that she should transfer programs; that she should come to New York and study under her. Izzie declined even though I promised her it would be okay with me. She assured me that it had nothing to do with that. She said she had made a home here and she didn't want to leave... that it would be too hard on her. I understood what she was saying, but right now I was having a hard time keeping myself here. I wanted to hide from what my life had become; I wanted to start over.

Izzie and Cristina told me I was crazy for not getting back together with him immediately. I believe their exact words were, "what the hell were you thinking after you've been pining over him for months now." And I... I just didn't have an answer for them, or myself. Over the past two days, I kept asking myself that question - what the hell was I doing - but I just didn't know the answer yet. There was no easy answer, no simple solution. All I could hope was that he would wait for me.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I walked out of the hospital and breathed a sigh of relief. I had just finished my last shift at the hospital for two days. The possibilities were endless. I could do anything I wanted to in my days off... anything. George and Izzie tried to get me to go to Joe's with them after work, but I told them I needed to get home. Besides the chances of me running into Derek were greater if I went there, and right now I was successfully avoiding him. Successfully avoiding the reality of the situation, which was that soon I needed to make a decision, or else he'd be gone.

And as I drove home, a wave of sadness hit me. Sadness over the fact that I wasn't out having a good time with my friends, and sadness because I couldn't let myself be happy. I knew that being with Derek would make me happy, and yet I refused to let myself walk down that path right now and I didn't know why.

Not caring where I was going, I just drove. Winding in and out of streets, letting the car steer itself, and when I realized where I had driven myself, I took a deep breath. I knew that this was how it felt to have your subconscious speak to you.

His car was parked on the grass in front of his trailer, so I pulled up next to his silver BMW. I turned off my engine and tried to look inside his trailer to see if he was inside, but saw no movement. It made me wonder if he had taken Doc for a walk, and I was tempted to start my car and leave. He'd never know after all, but something stopped me from starting the engine.

I got out of my car and stood in front of his trailer. The trailer door opened and he came outside, looking at me, and I didn't know what to do. So, I started to walk up the pathway towards him and said the first thing that came to mind, "Do you believe in second chances?"

"Depends on the situation." He said without hesitation.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning... there are times when I think second chances are available, and there are times when I think it's too late for second chances." He stood there staring at me, not moving, just staring, and I stopped.

"What about Addison? Why did she deserve a second chance?"

"Addison... Addison was my wife. I had to give her a second chance."

"Why?"

He looked at me with pain in his eyes, "Because I had to try."

"I know." I sighed in defeat.

"Meredith..."

"Derek, this isn't easy for me."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know... I don't know if you deserve a second chance." As the words tumbled out of my mouth, I looked down, unable to meet his eyes, afraid of what I might find.

"I can't answer that for you." He said as he started to walk down the steps towards me.

"I know. I just don't... I don't know. I don't know what I want."

"Yes you do, you're just too afraid to admit it."

"You hurt me."

"I know, and I'm sorry." The sadness in his voice resounded in my head, and I looked up to meet his eyes. He was standing right in front of me, begging my forgiveness, and I still couldn't decide if I was ready to forgive him.

"I begged you."

"I know," he shook his head at my words, "and I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." I said before I turned to walk back towards my car, feeling the uncertainty creep back inside of my head.

"Meredith," he said softly, "do you believe in starting over?"


	6. Chapter 6: Living in Twilight

_**The World Spins Madly On**_

**A.N**: First of all, just want to thank everyone for the great reviews. I really appreciate it.

So the basics again, just in case: This fanfic takes place right after "As We Know It," so Mark never came into the picture and so forth.

Also, I know that Dr. Bailey is on maternity leave, etc. but for the purpose of my story... she was never pregnant.

Also, while I do say that all characters are involved, the are merely there because the story would be weird without them there. So, the story mainly focuses on Derek and Meredith.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

_**Chapter 6: Living in Twilight**_

I stopped walking, and stood there silent. I couldn't breathe. He had said the one thing that I wished I could do. "What did you say?"

"I said... do you believe in starting over?" He said as he continued to walk towards me until I could feel his body behind mine.

"I want to."

"What's stopping you?"

"Fear."

He put his hand on my arm and turned me around, "Am I that bad looking?"

I brought my eyes to meet his and laughed, "Sometimes."

"You can trust me."

"It's not that."

"What is it, then?"

"Pride."

"You don't want to be seen as the girl who got dumped and then took me back just like that." He scoffed at me, and I knew he was frustrated.

"I don't want to be second best."

"Meredith," he breathed and let go of my arm, "how could you think that you're second best?"

"You chose her."

"I don't know what you want me to say. You're making it painfully obvious what your decision is. I'm not going to beg you." He turned and started to walk away from me, and I didn't know what to do. I knew if I didn't say something quick it would all be over.

"I never wanted you to beg. I just want to understand." I said softly, hoping my words would stop him, "I don't want to be the rebound girl. I don't want to be the girl that you replace with Addison for awhile until something better comes along."

"You could never be that." He looked at me with tears in his eyes, and it was in that moment that I knew what I wanted to do.

Slowly, I began to walk towards him, "Maybe... maybe we could start out as friends."

He smirked, "I thought we were friends."

"Only when you play fair." I smiled at him, and it was the first time in a long time that it felt good to smile.

He started to move and met me halfway. His hands reached out for mine, and I let him take them. And then, he bent down and kissed me. It was soft at first, but the intensity slowly gained momentum, and I found myself losing control. His hands roamed my body, knowing exactly where to go, and I moaned into his mouth.

He brought his hands up to my face, and we kissed hard before he pulled away and looked me square in the eyes, "I love you."

I pushed up onto my tip-toes and kissed him. "I know."

"Do you really?"

I let my hands travel up his chest, feeling his firm muscles beneath his shirt. "Yeah, and I love you too."

"So, are we friends yet?"

I smacked him playfully on the chest, and backed my body away from his. "Lets go find out."

He playfully spanked me and grabbed my hand, taking me inside his trailer for the first time since he showed me where he lived. I felt a intense desire grow inside my body, and I knew that I had made the right decision. This was where I belonged.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The sun shone into the trailer early in the morning, and when I woke up my body was tangled with his. I turned my head and stared at him. He looked so at ease when he slept, and I wished that we could stay like this forever.

"Stop staring at me." His voice startled me out of my thoughts.

"I wasn't."

He rolled his body on top of mine, "Yes, you were."

"Ok, well... maybe I was."

"I knew it." He said before giving me a hard kiss.

"Derek."

He continued to kiss my neck and mouth, and mumbled, "What?"

"I don't want anyone at the hospital to know."

"Why?" He stopped kissing me and sat up.

"Because it's wrong? Because I don't want Bailey to hate me, let alone the chief," I grabbed his hand and started stroking it, "I just don't think we should say anything right away."

"It's probably for the best."

"Yeah... and maybe we shouldn't have sex in your car again."

He laughed and descended on top of my body again, "Maybe, or maybe we could just be more careful."

"Maybe," I smiled at him and let my hands roam his body again, and I could feel the happiness seep inside of me, and I knew that this was what happiness felt like.

The End.

Please review, and let me know if I should write a sequel or just start a whole new story, and if anyone has any ideas feel free to pass them my way! Thanks again!


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